Order Whatever The Fuck You Want To Drink

There’s been a recent surge and uprising in a ton of articles with titles like: “What not to order in a bar, by bartenders” and “Bartenders talk about their least favourite drinks to make, by bartenders” or “Bartenders don’t like being bartenders, by bartenders”. 

They’re getting real tiresome to read.

The most common drink that pops up on the “DON’T ORDER” list is the mojito. “Sticky”, “Time Consuming” and “Throws me off my rhythm” are all things that get thrown about whenever a “bartender” is telling you not to order this. It’s a mojito, it’s piss easy to make and it’s in-offensive, just make the fucker.

A surprising entry to the list of drinks that “bartenders, by bartenders” apparently don’t like making is the margarita – for similar reasons to the mojito.

We’d like to go on record and tell every bartender that hates making mojitos and margaritas because they “throw them off their rhythm” to get out of the game, sit down and seriously consider getting a 9-5 desk job. You’ve no place here.

A few years back we wrote about how there was an issue with bartenders in Manchester getting above their stations and acting like they were curing cancer and their sole purpose in life was to judge people’s drink choices and scoff at them. It appears that the entire world has now decided they want to do this. We’re stuck in a never ending circle.

Yes, we have done articles before about drinks orders. You can find them here and here. Make of them what you will (it’s the internet, no-one’s a winner). We can tell you they were written in humour, but if you can’t decipher that then the fault lies within all of us.

The fact of the matter is that people can drink whatever they want to do drink provided it isn’t bleach or any other related substances.

It is, however, 100% acceptable to ‘educate’ customers and get them trying new things or things that will be more beneficial for the money they’re spending e.g if they order a £150 whiskey and ask for coke with it you are allowed to suggest a cheaper whiskey that will give them the same experience and taste that would save them spending £1,500… if they insist on the £1,5m whiskey with coke even after this, then you get your jigger out and pour them their chosen drink and you do it with a gosh darn smile on your face – the money all looks the same in the till.

Don’t be bellends, don’t serve bleach, don’t eat old scotch eggs that haven’t been refrigerated for two weeks.

You’ll be OK. Promise.


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