It’s that time of year again, the time where we feel like we haven’t punished ourselves enough so we must delve into the wonders that only the One Star review section of TripAdvisor can afford us. Some say it’s bravery, others call it madness. We’re no heroes, the real heroes are the TripAdvisor members who genuinely feel like their opinion is valid. Here’s to you, you troopers.

You ‘k, hun?

What a roller coaster:

Who the fuck thanked her for that review?

If you live in Italy half of the time, then why would you go to an Italian restaurant when you get out of Italy? Try something else, nothing’s ever going to live up to your refined tastes… unless… unless you’re just looking to write bad reviews?!? Who would do that?

Bonus points for the business acumen and knowledge of staff turnover issues.

Ew:

Firstly: No-one really cares that it’s your birthday, especially if you’re just expecting and demanding something to make you special. Secondly, fuck off. Thirdly, thank you for serving your country and your people if you do in fact work for the emergency services and it’s not your daughter’s boyfriend’s cousin who does. Fourthly, is fourthly even a word? Fifthly, Don’t preach about not making a scene – what do you want? A cookie? Sixth, your title literally says the food was great and then you complain that the food wasn’t great. Seventh, fuck off. Eighth, your biggest qualms here seem to be that you didn’t receive anything for free or get a discount. Ninth, fuck off.

Why is everyone’s go to line “FOOD POISONED”?

Can customers stop guessing what the issues are please? Although, kudos for the “I had to run to the bathroom where I was indeed sick”. I’m glad you cleared up what you did in there.

Queue the *HOW MUCH????* retorts:

I can confidently say you probably haven’t been charged £17 for two diet cokes. It was probably Pepsi.

A classic “I know how prices work” review:

Can this person be barred from life for saying 505p instead of £5.05 please? There is no logic to him. I am annoyed by him.

You need to really concentrate for this one:

We’re not being xenophobic (or at least we’re not trying to be), but “the watchman biggym” is the best thing to ever be lost in translation.

Cool:

The title makes no sense. It’s the weirdest humble brag ever.

Dear TripAdvisor, can you get a thesaurus for your users? We’re tired of hearing the word “bland”:

“Food was bland” – Man who didn’t try the food.

*Sigh*

Literally no-one cares that you’re a gay couple, “WE WERE A GROUP OF GUYS” is the thing that people will look at and go “ahhh, that’s why they weren’t let in”.

Jesus Fucking Christ: