1689 Bar Facts That Will Wow Your Friends

We’re not talking about pub ammo. We’re talking facts about bars. Those things that day-walkers frequent to make themselves feel better and to belittle the people that work in them. Everyone knows that bars and pubs were invented in the late 1600s as a way of getting around the impending water tax of Devon, but there are a lot of other interesting facts and titbits that aren’t as well known.

Sit back, relax, and get prepared to increase your knowledge amongst your friends when you’re in your drinking circles and everyone has run out of things to say because your cocaine has run out (SHHH don’t tell Gordon Ramsey that people do cocaine in the industry).

  1. Parisian shakers were originally used in England because the English didn’t like things named by Americans so they wouldn’t use Boston shakers. This hatred was matched only by their ability to steal things from other countries.
  2. Ian Fleming’s popular character James Bond actually asks for his Martinis “stirred, not shaken” in the books. It was switched to “shaken, not stirred” for the films because the film industry is a bag of cunts and thus began the era of shitty, shaken Vodka Martinis.
  3. Burnley, England, drinks the most Dom Benedictine per capita in the world. This is because they like the way it sounds when they say it out loud.
  4. Pulque, the pre-cursor to Tequila and Mezcal and stuff, was often used as an enema by the Mayans, Aztecs and others. When the Spanish decided they were going to take over the world they saw this and were all like “nah, bruv. Stop that.”
  5. Monkey Shoulder is not just a catchy name for a Whisky. It’s the injury sustained from turning all of the malt over whilst the barley is malting. It’s like tennis elbow or wanker’s wrist.
  6. The Guinness Book of Records say that the oldest bar in the world is from 900AD. It’s called Sean’s Bar and it’s in Ireland because of course it’s in Ireland.
  7. The oldest known alcoholic beverage is a 9,000 year old Chinese rice, honey and fruit concoction. It is the second most drunk beverage in Burnley.
  8. Alcohol is known to get people drunk.
  9. Distillation was discovered by Muslim chemists between the 8th and 9th century. Bloody immigrants, staying in their own countries and discovering things beneficial to society.
  10. The word “alcohol” is kind of derived from the Arab word ” the kohl”, which sort of means eyeliner. It’s the scientific reasoning behind why everyone becomes more attractive after you’ve had a drink, because eyeliner is fabulous.
  11. You can make alcohol out of anything that contains enough sugar, as long as the sugar contains alcohol.
  12. The gin bar in the film Casablanca wasn’t actually a gin bar, nor was it in Casablanca. It was a horse-rearing farm in south-east California. We have never seen Casablanca.
  13. “How Much?” was the earliest known way to identify potential criminals and necrophiliacs. It’s also been the calling card of FUCKING PRICKS for the past 50 years.
  14. Glasses were invented to stop people’s feet from getting wet.
  15. The O-Zone bar in the Ritz in Hong Kong is recognised as the tallest bar in the world on the 118th floor. The highest bar in the world is in Snoop Dogg’s garage.
  16. Bourbon, despite folk-lore, does not have to be made in Kentucky to be called Bourbon. It does, however, have to come from a happy home.
  17. Adolf Hitler was apparently one of the world’s best known abstainers from alcohol. This was unfortunately overshadowed by his love of mass genocide.
  18. Winston Churchill was one of the world’s heaviest drinkers. The fat fuck.
  19. Ernest Hemingway wasn’t really a full on diabetic as mythology would have you believe. He was actually one of the first known “make it strong, just for me” people. His supposed words were “this daiquiri is nice, but I prefer mine with twice the rum and none of the sugar”. Bellend.
  20. The pressure in a Champagne bottle is 90 pounds per square inch, or as we like to call it “Charlie Sheen’s sex life”.
  21. America has the highest minimum drinking age in the world at 21. They have been trying to pray this away. 
  22. Cointreau (or Triple Sec #NotSponsored) is prevalent in a lot of “classic” drinks because the flavour orange was seen as a luxury back in the day of rationing. We are yet to find out why as orange is bang average at the best of times. Bloody wartime.
  23. French kids can drink wine at any age they choose and,  if they are “out out”, a baby can drink Wray and Nephew in the U.K at home.
  24. Winston Churchill’s mother was not in fact the creator of the Manhattan cocktail. She was, however, the creator of Winston Churchill.
  25. Hangover cures are named so because they cure hangovers.
  26. The phrase “Tapping the Admiral” came from when Nelson was killed in battle and the British Navy had to transport him back. They put him in a barrel of alcohol to preserve his body but the English are such fucking drunks that they drank it all through a straw before they got him back to England.
  27. Sherry is famously drunk by 86 year old women and bartenders that want people to notice them.
  28. Every time a new bar opens in London they are automatically considered for best new opening by Tales of the Cocktail.
  29. The difference between “Whiskey” and “Whisky” is the E before the Y.
  30. Apparently, the phrase “mind your Ps and Qs” came from bartenders telling rowdy knobheads to “mind your pints and quarts” and is the earliest known time of bartenders being sassy little bastards.

 

We’ll probably be back with more interesting facts like: The plural of Moose is not Meese. Who knew?

@CheapestShot

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