It’s finally here. The long-awaited “After-Match Report” (or as we’re now referring to it: The “Definitely Not Worth Waiting For/ Sorry it Took so Long/ It Might be a Little Bit Funny ” Report) of the very first #NotAnotherComp put on at Apotheca NQ (Manchester) by Spirit Cartel, Four Roses Bourbon, Pyrat XO and none other than Cheapest Shot. #ThisIsNotASponsoredPost
Grab a shandy, settle down and enjoy:
Round 1 – Cheapest Shot rules stipulate that the following words can not be used: Nice, Blend, Good, Tasty, Corn. Drink for this round was an Old Fashioned.
Liam “The Ginger Hoff” Keenan was up first. He was off to a cracking start as he used the word “Amalgamation” instead of the banned word “Blend”, but then proceeded to use the other four banned words in the space of a minute. Drink was drinkable.
Next up was Mert “What’s his second name?” Mert. He made an Old Fashioned in a pint glass, we enjoyed that. There was a strong possibility he might have already tasted a few of his own drinks beforehand, however we couldn’t confirm. We also couldn’t confirm if he was speaking Turkish, but he got plus points anyway.
Becca “Not related to Ricky” Tomlinson made her way onto the bar next and immediately broke an egg. There was a valiant effort to save the fallen egg but it was deemed that even all of the king’s horses and men could not revive it. A new egg was sourced and a nice drink was made.
Louis “It’s always the quiet ones” Robson came out to the music of Triple H, spat water in the style of Triple H and now our notes are smudged. Drink was probably good but we’re holding feelings of resentment over wet notes.
Mark “The one who went viral on Facebook, y’know because he did that thing with the kid and her mum, no not anything weird he was just dead nice to them” Quinn stormed onto the bar with the energy of a gorilla having a shit. Shouted “grapefruit” at the judges whilst holding a grapefruit in front of our faces. Made an Old Fashioned in a grapefruit hollowed out by his friends.
Alex “The Black One” Werren poured the judges shots. This was very kind of him *Editor’s note: The rest of my notes are smudged and are very messy. I can just about make out “probably deserved more points.” Also there’s no mentions of the banned words. Fuck.* ermm… good job?
ROUND 2 – Mystery Box time. As well as Spirit Cartel’s choosings which involved Pyrat XO, we had our own ingredient. Our ingredients did not complement the box at all and for this we are only half sorry.
Liam hoffed back onto the bar with his ingredients, his Cheapest Shot ingredient was China Sauce. He rinsed his glass with it, and probably put everyone in danger of botulism. We would never order the drink he made, but if he popped it over some curry it was definitely one of the most wonderful sauces we’ve ever tried.
Mert stumbled back onto the bar. He had himself some lemon grass paste (which is probably the best choice out of the ingredients we provided). Pretty strong feelings that he is drunk at this point and would be safer sat down with a glass of water. Wore a hat and made a salad though. Points for functioning.
Becca’s turn again and she’d been put in a pickle with a jar of pickled eggs from Cheapest Shot (FUCKING JOKES FOR DAYS – pickled eggs are wonderful by the way, potential sponsors). She did something about asking about ingredients and for some reason had gotten tomato sauce from the bar next door (Dough). Gave the judges a pickled egg each #PlusPointsWellDone. Used the jar as a glass and made a great Bloody Mary.
Louis put a lot of thought into the ingredients he was using and how they would best complement each other, however he didn’t utilise the Kinder Egg he’d gotten from us very well and for this we are upset so fuck him. *The gift was a toy car. Just an FYI.
Mark had some custard. He came out to the music of Scooby Doo and for this we salute him. His drink made sense to some extent but honestly it was nothing special.
Alex had gotten a “Polish tub of thing” which turned out to be a mayonnaise based sandwich spread with pickled vegetables #Brexit. He came on to a dirty bar, proclaimed “CLEAN AS YOU GO”, ate the mayonnaise made a drink and then left the bar without cleaning it.
Round 3 was the showcase round. Weird music and hungry hungry hippos dominated the scene and the bartenders all had “secret sentences” to say that would gain them points. Unfortunately this was fucked up when everyone forgot that this rule existed.
Liam – Used his sentence “and that’s why brexit won” cleverly by shouting it in response to some “banter” from the crowd. We were caught up in playing hungry hippos so our notes are few and minimum, but we are pretty sure he made a fantastic cake.
Mert’s sentence “I wanted to call it a drink spasm” wasn’t used but he did come out dressed like Aladdin on a “magic carpet” skateboard… and then broke a very expensive light fixture which got him bonus points.
Becca’s sentence was “I used to think eggs were a fruit” but she didn’t use it. She did, however, say “Viva La Lemonade” which gained her a lot of points.
Louis had the words“the wheels on the bus go blap blap blap” but for some reason couldn’t fit it into his presentation. We are still wondering why.
Mark could have said “if Adam guesses my sentence I’ll give him a back rub” but failed to deliver. He’s got balls to make Tiki drinks for a bourbon comp and they were on display if you looked at his hula skirt for long enough.
Notes say “set things on fire” – which is good.
Alex had the sentence “Four Roses, Four Roses, Four Roses” and used it to good effect. His drink tasted nice which is always a plus point in cocktail competitions (apparently).
The end has come and the winner of the night was Becca Tomlinson. A fine effort all around and great use of #VivaLaLemonade. Pickled eggs are always a treat and she made nice drinks.
Alex was the Cheapest Shot winner despite not ranking very highly in the other judge’s scores… to be fair though, most of his points came from eating the tub of mayonnaise.
Mert was definitely bojangled throughout the entire thing.
Big thanks to Apotheca NQ, Spirit Cartel, Four Roses Bourbon, Pyrat XO and us.
All Images Courtesy of ApothecaNQFacebook