- Ask if there’s anyone Irish in your family
- Wear a green sock so you can be all like “Look, I’m wearing green”
- Jamesons
- Drink a pint of Guinness despite it tasting like shite
- Complain about everyone who thinks Guinness taste like shite
- Ask why there isn’t a four leaf clover in your foam
- Call it “Paddy’s Day”
- Post a picture on social media entitled “Paddy’s Day with the boys”
- Say “he was actually Welsh” four times an hour
- Jameson’s
- Drink a shot every time someone says “Guinness is vegan y’know”
- Source a big fuck off hat
- Do a terrible Irish accent
- Do a terrible Conor McGregor accent
- Jamie’s sons
- Ask what “Sine Metu” means
- Only order four pints of Guinness and apologise for ordering them last
- Tell a bartender to smile
- Tell a bartender to sober up
- Ham-ay-sons
- Tell everyone the stick you’ve found is your shillelagh
- Be proper racist/xenophobic towards the Irish but it’s ok ’cause Patrick said so.
- Write a list about St Patrick’s Day
- Listen to an old man complain about how we “never do this for St George’s Day”
- Realise that being English is nothing to be proud of
- Get drunk and apply for an Irish passport
- Get drunk and apply for a Northern Irish passport
- Realise that you technically already have one
- Laugh with your mates
- Realise you have no mates
- Cry into your Guinness
- Call it “Gwin-ness”
- Discover you’ve been drinking bourbon all night
- Look for a Leprechaun
- Be abusive to every dwarf you see
- Say the word “Potato” far too many times
- Black Vomit
- Black Poop
- Tell at least 10 people that Guinness is a meal in a glass
- Do a “jig”
Meh, that’ll do.