465 Things to do on St Patrick’s Day

  1.  Ask if there’s anyone Irish in your family
  2. Wear a green sock so you can be all like “Look, I’m wearing green”
  3. Jamesons
  4. Drink a pint of Guinness despite it tasting like shite
  5. Complain about everyone who thinks Guinness taste like shite
  6. Ask why there isn’t a four leaf clover in your foam
  7. Call it “Paddy’s Day”
  8. Post a picture on social media entitled “Paddy’s Day with the boys”
  9. Say “he was actually Welsh” four times an hour
  10. Jameson’s
  11. Drink a shot every time someone says “Guinness is vegan y’know”
  12. Source a big fuck off hat
  13. Do a terrible Irish accent
  14. Do a terrible Conor McGregor accent
  15. Jamie’s sons
  16. Ask what “Sine Metu” means
  17. Only order four pints of Guinness and apologise for ordering them last
  18. Tell a bartender to smile
  19. Tell a bartender to sober up
  20. Ham-ay-sons
  21. Tell everyone the stick you’ve found is your shillelagh
  22. Be proper racist/xenophobic towards the Irish but it’s ok ’cause Patrick said so.
  23. Write a list about St Patrick’s Day
  24.  Listen to an old man complain about how we “never do this for St George’s Day”
  25. Realise that being English is nothing to be proud of
  26. Get drunk and apply for an Irish passport
  27. Get drunk and apply for a Northern Irish passport
  28. Realise that you technically already have one
  29. Laugh with your mates
  30. Realise you have no mates
  31. Cry into your Guinness
  32. Call it “Gwin-ness”
  33. Discover you’ve been drinking bourbon all night
  34. Look for a Leprechaun
  35. Be abusive to every dwarf you see
  36. Say the word “Potato” far too many times
  37. Black Vomit
  38. Black Poop
  39. Tell at least 10 people that Guinness is a meal in a glass
  40. Do a “jig”

Meh, that’ll do.




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