1.  Ask if there’s anyone Irish in your family
2. Wear a green sock so you can be all like “Look, I’m wearing green”
3. Jamesons
4. Drink a pint of Guinness despite it tasting like shite
5. Complain about everyone who thinks Guinness taste like shite
6. Ask why there isn’t a four leaf clover in your foam
7. Call it “Paddy’s Day”
8. Post a picture on social media entitled “Paddy’s Day with the boys”
9. Say “he was actually Welsh” four times an hour
10. Jameson’s
11. Drink a shot every time someone says “Guinness is vegan y’know”
12. Source a big fuck off hat
13. Do a terrible Irish accent
14. Do a terrible Conor McGregor accent
15. Jamie’s sons
16. Ask what “Sine Metu” means
17. Only order four pints of Guinness and apologise for ordering them last
18. Tell a bartender to smile
19. Tell a bartender to sober up
20. Ham-ay-sons
21. Tell everyone the stick you’ve found is your shillelagh
22. Be proper racist/xenophobic towards the Irish but it’s ok ’cause Patrick said so.
23. Write a list about St Patrick’s Day
24.  Listen to an old man complain about how we “never do this for St George’s Day”
25. Realise that being English is nothing to be proud of
26. Get drunk and apply for an Irish passport
27. Get drunk and apply for a Northern Irish passport
28. Realise that you technically already have one
29. Laugh with your mates
30. Realise you have no mates
31. Cry into your Guinness
32. Call it “Gwin-ness”
33. Discover you’ve been drinking bourbon all night
34. Look for a Leprechaun
35. Be abusive to every dwarf you see
36. Say the word “Potato” far too many times
37. Black Vomit
38. Black Poop
39. Tell at least 10 people that Guinness is a meal in a glass
40. Do a “jig”

Meh, that’ll do.

@CheapestShot