Things Everyone Says in Bars – But in “The Real World”

It’s exactly what it says on the tin:

*Man walks into a bank* – “Is this a bank?”

*Woman in a clothes shop* – “Can I have this dress for free? It’s my birthday.”

*Man is in the bank again* – “What loans do you do?”  We’re not that type of bank – “I’ll just have your cheapest loan then please.”

*Woman in stationary store* “My friend just stole the pen that I bought. Can I have another one for free?”

*Walks past a guide dog*  “Is this your real job?”

*Person in pet shop* “I left my dog unattended, you owe me a new one”

*Woman in Supermarket* “What fruit do you have?” – We’ve sold out I’m afraid – “Four apples then please”

*Person in Greggs (other popular pastry stores are available)* “Give me a sausage roll” — You’ve had 70 sausage rolls in the past 20 minutes, you’re covered in vomit and you’ve just called the work experience girl a cunt. “No I haven’t! I want to speak to the manager”  I am the manager

  Several years later… *Trip Advisor* – “1 Star: just went in for a pasty, never met ruder staff in my life. Went to a rival bakery to spend my money”

*In a clothes shop* “Do you have any V-neck t-shirts but without the V?” – so, you want a crew neck or a polo or…? – “No, I would have asked for that if I wanted it. I want a V-neck t-shirt, but without the V”

*Man walks into a charity shop* “You should smile more, you’d look prettier”

*Woman in a museum* “I know the owner”

*Person walks into an antique shop* “I pay your wages”

*Man in a sex shop* “So, like… Are you studying, or what?”

*Woman walks into a launderette* “These are my kid’s clothes, so is it free?”

*In a supermarket* “Can I have this for half price? The atmosphere isn’t right in here.”

*Trip Advisor* “Went to Tesco and it was closed so I can only give it one star I’m afraid.”

*In a suit shop* “Excuse me, this suit is too suity.”

*Whilst at a self-service check out* “I’m never coming here again. Terrible service.”

*In a drained swimming pool* “Are you open?”

*In an estate agents* “I need a house with one bedroom”

*Buys house with one bedroom* “Where are my kids supposed to sleep?”

*In a travel agents* “Do you do holidays?”

 *In a library* “Is this paper made out of paper? I’m allergic to paper”

*In fireworks warehouse* “OMG! your job must be so much fun!” – It’s just boxes

*In a pharmacy* “I can’t remember what it was called, but it was blue”

*To Father Christmas* “Is Ray here? How about Sally? You must be new…”

*Shaking fist at broken escalator* “I’ve been waiting here for hours.”

*In a Library* “Can you play good music?”

*Man to doctor* “I used to do this years ago. In a pub.”

*To a juggler* “Excuse me? Can you take a picture for us”

*Man on a bus* “I’m a vegan”



IMG Credit: ~Pawsitive~Candie_N

4 Comments Add yours

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