Brought to you by one of our favourite contributors: Tom Chapman.

The cuntstomer is ALWAYS right, Sitting there with their birthright.

Special occasion, date night treat, “Don’t forget my V.A.T. receipt!”

The cuntstomer will ALWAYS shout,

Waving, click, pout like a trout.

With Black AMEX and Just For Men hair,

Here’s today’s special…”Oh I don’t care”

“It’s just my job”, “I’m here part time”.

Six years later…”Pass the wine!”

The cuntstomer will never tip,

Gobbling food, like a whore on a dick.

“Where’s your manager”, “Don’t you know who I am?”

“Frankly sir, I don’t give a damn”

With escort wives and Thai brides,

Strawberry daiquiri, steak well done,

“How was your food?”….”I could eat another one!”

Sunday, Monday, Happy Day,

Tipless tray, and on your way.

I’m afraid dear friend that I must say…

The cuntstomer… Is here to stay!

Follow Tom: @TomTomChap

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