We Respond to Elizabeth B’s Hard Rock Cafe Review

Ok, so we have to say that we do not speak on behalf of The Hard Rock Café, nor do they need us to. Our attention had been brought to this TripAdvisor review that had been left by a lovely lady named “Elizabeth B” on the Manchester Hard Rock Café, and…


Cock Fucker

*Inset Gobsmacked Expression Here*

Dear Elizabeth B,

You are the personification of an utter goblin. It’s hard to tell if you were being ironic with this review and if you have just epically trolled the nation with your vitriol, however, it’s hard to believe you have the capabilities to understand the meaning of irony – you’ve certainly shown the characteristics of someone who wouldn’t be out of place whipping a malnourished canine whilst dangling flaming adoption papers in front of an orphan.

The issue you have with the tables is a valid comment, after all, it is part of someone’s job to clear a table and clean it before allowing you to be seated. we’ll give you that, but then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I’m a bigoted, over-privileged. cheese curdling, milk souring cunt.”

We had to check what year we were in, and despite everything this review tells you, it is indeed 2016.

Disregard the fact that you once gave the Angel of the North a one star review on TripAdvisor,


it’s hard to believe that you’re actually allowed out in public. You views are repugnant and vile and your sense of self-importance is beyond comprehension. You are the exact thing that is wrong with the world and we’re betting you’re a full on Donald Trump supporter.

To take the time out of your busy schedule to actually say that the appearance of your server physically put you off your food tells the world everything they need to know about you.

We do feel sympathy for you in that you didn’t get to hear the answer to the question: “Why does that man have silver bogies?” A question asked by a child, we just hope that child was given a respectable response rather than the obvious bovine faeces you would have spewed out.

We suggest you take the time to review your own life, for if you feel the need to comment on the appearance of another person – ESPECIALLY IN THE HARD ROCK CAFE – then we’re guessing you’re only going to be able to give yourself a one star review, and that will be generous at best.

Elizabeth B, go suck a car battery. Hopefully there will be no passing “freaks” that will put you off of that meal.


Cheapest Shot.


One Comment Add yours

  1. Nick McParlin says:

    Magnificent. Thank you. I’ve been a visitor in Manchester HRC for almost all the fifteen-plus years it’s been there, and a regular for the last five or so, and you have expressed *exactly* my feelings about that review, other than I might not have held back quite so much…

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