Everything You Ever Need to Know About The Cosmopolitan

The Cosmopolitan, more commonly know by its name: 

“That Drink That They Drink In Sex in The City and instantly makes you sexy on the outside no matter what you look like because we’re all strong independent women who don’t need no man to tell us how to live our life no thank you I got my girls and that’s all I need oh except Stacey she stole my Kurt Geigers last month and stretched them with her Hobbit feet and didn’t even say sorry the little bitch rocket”


That fucking gay one that better not come in a fucking girly glass or I will stab you with my face you fucking hipster ponce prick”

is an extremely popular drink that most people believe originated in San Francisco in a year that no-one wants to commit to.

It combines citron vodka with lime juice (if you want to be a dick: it’s Rose’s Lime Cordial, yeah?) cranberry juice, cointreau (because no-one likes triple-sec, get the hint (I’m joking, jeez)) and cranberry juice.  

Cheryl Cook is one of the bartenders credited with having come up with the concoction because she had seen a shit load of people ordering martini’s just to be seen with the glass in their hand because ponces have been about for longer than we’ve been in the game. They all couldn’t stomach the sheer deliciousness that Martini’s offer so she made up the cosmopolitan so they could all still have that nice glass and have a drink that was drinkable.

Other claims to the maker of this not so incredible drink credit Minneapolis bartender, Neal Murray with creating the drink. His story of “just adding cranberry juice to a kamikaze” is boring though, so we’ll stick with Cook.

The Cosmopolitan is one of 600 cocktails that Dale Degroff has taken credit for making popular. 

Fast forward to today and the drink is for some reason loved by socialites and despised by manly manly men men because it’s pink. We don’t like the drink because it’s shit, not because of its colour (although saying that, we’ve never made any drinks that have the sheer popularity of the cosmo, so who’s the real loser here?)

One of the main points of content about this drink stem from the evidence found of a Gin drink that has a very similar recipe to the cosmopolitan (I mean… it has ingredients, and was served in a glass). In much the same way that a Manhattan birthed the Martinez , and the Screwdriver birthed the Harvey Wallbanger so too did the drink “Daisy” ,maybe possibly but probably didn’t, birth the Cosmopolitan because Cook herself says that the Cosmopolitan is merely a kamikaze with lemon vodka and cranberry juice, so fuck you… please.

A Cheapest Cosmopolitan

25ml of Gay Citron Vodka.

15ml of Gay Cointreau.

25ml of Gay Cranberry Juice.

7.5ml of Gay Lime Juice.

Shake in a Gay Cocktail Shaker and serve in a Gay glass.

Garnish with a flaming homosexual/orange zest to remind everyone that a drink can be gay?


Follow Us: @CheapestShot

Main IMG: Ralph Daily | flikr


2 Comments Add yours

  1. well done, was thinking about a cosmo article myself!

    1. Thanks, do it, this is definitely not everything you need to know ;)

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