The Modern Day Bar Training Manual

Welcome to Your First Day Working Full Time in This Late Night Bar.

Table of Contents.

Accidents and Injury…………………………………………………… 1
Electrical tape will solve anything

Time Off……………………………………………………………………….2
Allocated time off will be between your previous shift and next shift 10 hours later.

Hygiene………………………………………………………………………..3
Everything’s dirty (touching money).Feel free to fill your mouth with over proof spirit and spit it through an open flame onto customer’s drink.Pause for “woo’s”

Holidays……………………………………………………………………….4
You can have two weeks off in January (not weekends). You will be going on your own though as your friends and family with “normal jobs” will be back in work.

Drugs Policy……………………………………………………………………5
If you require the use of stronger drugs, only do so with a like minded manager or we will be forced to issue you with your first verbal Tut.

Health and Safety……………………………………………………………..6
Slips trips and falls, make sure you don’t. If you do, you probably shouldn’t have left it there.

Sexual Harassment……………………………………………………………7
This will not be tolerated. Unless you pass it off as banter within 10 seconds of said harassment

Racist/ Xenophobic Behaviour………………………………………….8
This will not be tolerated. Unless you can prove you have a friend of the same race/religion as the victim.

Dealing With Problem Customers………………………………………9
You’re going to get called a “dick” a lot. Learn how to cope or learn how to hide bodies.

Breaks……………………………………………………………………………10
So, you’ve decided to take up smoking.

Fraternising With The Staff ……………………………………………………11
Encouraged. Build team spirit. Use Protection.

Fraternising With The Customers…………………………………………..12
Encouraged. Build Rapport. Use Protection.

Cocktail Specs………………………………………………………………..13
You have 1/2 hour to learn your specs. After this, just use whatever looks right.

Drinking on Shift……………………………………………………………..14
Only if really good at hiding drunken eyes.

Calling in Sick/Late………………………………………………………….15
Unless from a hangover gained by drinking with your manager, you will be expected to never have a single night off and we will judge you for even trying.

 

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