The Mojito is a fascinating drink. It’s hated by some people and loved by others. It’s heralded by bartenders as being the most time consuming drink ever in the world ever ever ever to make, and others just don’t care and make the fucker.
No matter which side of the mint leaf you stand on, the mojito isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. It’s been around for a long time. It’s an old timer. It’s a veteran of the cocktail world. Old Ernest Hemingway enjoyed many a mojito when he was in Cuba. This drink is practically royalty. With all of that in mind: let’s take a quick look back upon the mojito and find out where it began and why it began.
There’s a couple of different stories floating around about how the mojito came to be in existence. There’s a story that says in the 16th Century one of Sir Francis Drake’s bessie mates came up with the earliest known form of the mojito, he called it El Draque (inventive), mixing some apparently horrific shit alcohol (tafia/aguardiente) together with some lime, mint and sugar cane (which was all no doubt harvested by the slaves that they bloody captured and sold…the dicks) he had himself a merry old time getting sloshed and selling people to other people.
There’s another story that says an African slave colony in Cuba came up with the famous drink in the 19th Century. it’s the usual story; they added rum and stuff to mint and stuff and included sugar and stuff then drank it. Apparently the name Mojito is derived from the African word ‘Mojo’ which means “to place a little spell”. I mean, I can kind of understand that if the little spell is akin to “getting trollied”.
I guess it doesn’t really matter which story you choose to believe, I myself am probably swinging a little bit more towards the Francis Drake version, because it’s entirely possible that the African slaves could easily have adapted his recipe and called it ‘Mojo’… probably.
I mentioned before that good old Ernest Hemingway enjoyed a good mojito or two (let’s be honest, he enjoyed damn near everything) even so much as to have reportedly written “my mojito in La Bodeguita, my daiquiri in El Floridita” on a napkin for some reason? My guess is because he was drunk, but yeah, he’s been credited with making the drink semi-popular, even though he’s famed for loving a crackin’ daiquiri.
Jimmy Bond takes some credit for bringing the drink back into popularity within recent times ( I say recent, It was like 12-13 years ago). Pierce Brosnan is happily sipping away on one of the fuckers when he’s rudely interrupted by Halle Berry, then she drinks it and everyone drinks it and the world goes fucking insane.
There have been many editions of the Mojito, with a lot of people adding their own twists to the drink and creating their own versions. I’ve compiled a small list of the ones you’re most likely to encounter:
Virgin Mojito: A mojito that’s never had a straw inside it before.
English Mojito: A mojito that complains if it’s made by an ‘immigrant’.
Mexican Mojito: A mojito made with 20% Donald Trump tears.
Greek Mojito: A tax free mojito.
Malibu Mojito: A sexy mojito, enjoyed best on rollerskates.
Royal Mojito: A mojito that confuses Americans, enrages Australians and is more popular in the south of England.
If you actually want to know how to make a mojito, here’s my usual specs for the recipe:
A Cheapest Mojito
1 Tall Glass
15 1/2 perfectly picked mint leaves, each individually named.
50ml of nearest rum.
The juice of a thousand limes.
About…….. that much sugar syrup.
More crushed ice than you can fit in your bar.
Enough soda water to make up for accidental under pouring of rum.
Muddle it, I dunno. Do what you want.
Serve with a forced smile as you feel your life slipping away because… ugh, mojito innit?
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